Great post, Serena. Grounding and simple to apply!
In the old work context, in annual strategy cycles, we'd use 'Vision' and 'Strategy' in a templated process and framework to align actions for the coming year. The 'corporate' conditioning tends to shroud the essentials and primary intent of why it's a valuable exercise.
The 'fun' part I used to do with my teams: as a group we'd call out soundbites of what we'd want to hear people say about our team and our work at the end of the year, or I'd ask individuals to write a short letter to themselves as if it was the end of the year, highlighting what success looks like and what they needed to overcome challenges. Of course, we saved the sound bites and the letters for the end-of-the-year debrief/Team meeting.
Thanks for reminding me that visualising success is also a great way to define what good can look like. (not a goal or quantitative measure) Qualitative imagining is powerful!
Victoria, I love what you said here. The 'fun' parts sound SO fun and so life-giving. I am going to write them down to try with my team at our fall meetings. I am always looking for more ideas about how to build vision on my team. Thank you!
Welcome, Serena! I've lost count of the number of team-building exercises and meetings I've conducted over my old work. Mindtools.com has lots of ideas as well. Cross-cultural and cross-functions were the ones I loved the most. It's fun to see lightbulbs illuminate when ideas are shared ;-)
You're very welcome Serena - it's literally part of my job. For my mentoring business I keep lots of resources, links and info to hand for my clients ;-) FYI mindtools is a subscription service after I think its 2 articles...
Thanks James! Agreed! Faith can be like holding out hope for what we do not yet see and what isn't true yet but we believe it is possible. And so much is possible with God.
I love this idea, I wonder if anyone has tips on how to engage a 17 year old boy in a conversation like this who is not familiar with playing games or having conversations in this manner. He will not go to therapy if any kind because he can't go to the inly therapist he ever trusted anymore (and doesn't think it helps anyway). He does not like talking about his feelings.
Thanks for sharing, Janice! I love Victoria's ideas (not surprising, she is so good with resources). If your son would do a vision board, you could use Victoria's ideas of a collage with magazines/ pictures/ colors as a place to find some words.
What does your son like to do for fun? Could you build on something along those lines. My nephew is all about video games and rollercoasters. I can't get him to talk about much else. But if I framed it around one of those topics, I might get somewhere... like how he would make a video game himself out of kids going to college, for example, and what scenes he would create. That might help with visioning.
Janice, a sketchbook-journal with a few prompts? I'm not a parent or an expert but I do have a few friends/carergivers I know with ADHD or autistic children, or on the spectrum. When they can't articulate in words or conversation how they feel, colours, art and collages can help? There are also prompt cards that a few experts have done as stimulus-cards..hope those ideas help.
Wow, this is such a beautiful and educational post. I'm so happy that Ellie invited Mary into the conversation around her first days at college. I'm heartened by Dr. J's response that while the program would be a challenge (honest), he verbalized the expectation of success - and that he kept it focused on the first semester only (encouraging). We've all struggled with overwhelm when looking at an entire experience, which is much more manageable in smaller parts. Serena, I admire your approach and the concept of visioning as a means of exploring the actual new experiences those first weeks will bring. Ellie is lucky to have you as her mother. What a blessing you are!
Thank you for sharing how important it is to hold vision for others. Using this method (unknowingly) is what allowed me to expect my son to excel when he had so many doubts and anxieties, whether it was school, a job or a conversation with someone in authority that he held in esteem, such as his pastor or discipleship mentor at church. I'm grateful you included a link to your SlowSelf.co article. I'm about to begin reading it this morning.
Most of all, I'd like to thank you for using your platform and your personal experiences with Ellie to raise awareness and to foster compassionate understanding. Years ago, I spoke with my brother about how lost I felt trying to parent a child I didn't understand. He, being a pastor and a compassionate friend and wise brother, said maybe God knew I would be the only mother who refused to give up on her son. I've thought so many times about that and how true it has been. I hope you won't mind me saying I feel the same about you being Ellie's mom. You're surely her fiercest defender and most astute advocate. Bless you, my friend. I'm praying that Ellie will feel welcomed, accepted and will settle into college life like a champ.
Thanks so much for sharing, Lisa! Sounds like we have a lot in common. You mentioned that you used a similar method "unknowingly" - I think sometimes parents can sense what our child needs and we can move into it (and other times, of course, we might make big mistakes too). But it sounds like both of us used methods that we didn't plan on, which really helped our neurodiverse kids.
I love what you said about how God chose you to be the right mother for your son and the ultimate advocate. That is so beautiful and encouraging! Thanks for extending that to me, too. It does feel like a fit and an encouragement. Parenting a neurodiverse kid with disabilities has been harder than anything else I've ever done, but it's also so rewarding. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement for Ellie and for me! Glad to get to know you. :)
Likewise, Serena. You are such a blessing to me and I agree we have lots in common. My son is grown but I still get that feeling of walking on eggshells at times. Will he welcome my suggestion or mind my question, or will he lash out? Our entire life has been a dance and I definitely haven't always known the steps.
I definitely feel, based on what you've shared, that only you could have parented this child that the Lord was certain needed to born at this time, in this way and for His purposes. I'm happy you find my words encouraging. Yes, it's harder than anything we'll ever do but it's also the most sacred work we'll do. My son has been my teacher, too! We've butted heads too many times to count but we've also smoothed out each other's rough edges over the years. It's my honor to pray for you and Ellie. I look forward to following her journey as we continue to meet here on Substack.
Visualization is crazy powerful, that much I've gathered from my own experience. Thinking about what you wrote, no wonder people with negative thoughts and visualizations have such a rough time in life, and it's also not much of a surprise those people with negative thoughts were often influenced strongly be negative experiences. There's also something about visualization with regards to how we want to live: if our imagination is focused on weird or immoral things (like most TV, for instance....), then that's how we'll live. If, in contrast, we focus on and visualize moral and wholesome things, that's the life we're likely to follow.
Keep it up, we love your work. Good luck out there.
Thanks so much @TheInvisibleMan! It is interesting to think about how what we focus on affects us and what happens to us. It reminds me of the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy - if I am convinced that xyz will happen, then I unknowingly act in ways that create that outcome, even though I don’t want it to happen.
I am in awe of how you carry your daughter's burden while simultaneously mentoring her to think through solutions on her own. I'm especially impressed with this story. Maybe it's because I have never been able to envision anything for my own life. I am a natural born encourager so I help people feel brave and capable, but not really envision. Thank you for consistently sharing your insight and wisdom.
Your encouragement is such a gift, @Jane Anderson! I can see you using your encouragement gift to help others dream of a way forward too, if you wanted to. Thanks for all your support.
What a great idea, Serena. As with so many of your techniques, I imagine I will use this or recommend a friend use it, though I’m not sure how or in what situation.
Love this and strangely just used visualisation of me at my local parkrun to help me get through some treatment and it has really helped. Love how it enabled your daughter to think about Mary and help herself so powerful ❤️
Love this message! I use visualization for myself and it has helped tremendously to get through a traumatic childhood traumas and more recent situations. I have envisioned myself being an advocate for my inner child and healed a lot of things from the past that way. It is such an amazing tool!
Great post, Serena. Grounding and simple to apply!
In the old work context, in annual strategy cycles, we'd use 'Vision' and 'Strategy' in a templated process and framework to align actions for the coming year. The 'corporate' conditioning tends to shroud the essentials and primary intent of why it's a valuable exercise.
The 'fun' part I used to do with my teams: as a group we'd call out soundbites of what we'd want to hear people say about our team and our work at the end of the year, or I'd ask individuals to write a short letter to themselves as if it was the end of the year, highlighting what success looks like and what they needed to overcome challenges. Of course, we saved the sound bites and the letters for the end-of-the-year debrief/Team meeting.
Thanks for reminding me that visualising success is also a great way to define what good can look like. (not a goal or quantitative measure) Qualitative imagining is powerful!
Victoria, I love what you said here. The 'fun' parts sound SO fun and so life-giving. I am going to write them down to try with my team at our fall meetings. I am always looking for more ideas about how to build vision on my team. Thank you!
Welcome, Serena! I've lost count of the number of team-building exercises and meetings I've conducted over my old work. Mindtools.com has lots of ideas as well. Cross-cultural and cross-functions were the ones I loved the most. It's fun to see lightbulbs illuminate when ideas are shared ;-)
ooh thanks for the link, Victoria!
You're very welcome Serena - it's literally part of my job. For my mentoring business I keep lots of resources, links and info to hand for my clients ;-) FYI mindtools is a subscription service after I think its 2 articles...
Thanks again!
Serena, such eloquent and essential perspective:
“Perhaps visioning is similar to prayer. We long for transformation, health or hope for our loved one and then we ask God to bring it to pass.”
Faith.
Thanks James! Agreed! Faith can be like holding out hope for what we do not yet see and what isn't true yet but we believe it is possible. And so much is possible with God.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen..
Yes, agreed @Jane Anderson!
I love this idea, I wonder if anyone has tips on how to engage a 17 year old boy in a conversation like this who is not familiar with playing games or having conversations in this manner. He will not go to therapy if any kind because he can't go to the inly therapist he ever trusted anymore (and doesn't think it helps anyway). He does not like talking about his feelings.
Thanks for sharing, Janice! I love Victoria's ideas (not surprising, she is so good with resources). If your son would do a vision board, you could use Victoria's ideas of a collage with magazines/ pictures/ colors as a place to find some words.
What does your son like to do for fun? Could you build on something along those lines. My nephew is all about video games and rollercoasters. I can't get him to talk about much else. But if I framed it around one of those topics, I might get somewhere... like how he would make a video game himself out of kids going to college, for example, and what scenes he would create. That might help with visioning.
Great ideas! Thank you. I will see what i can come up with.
Would love to hear how it goes!
Janice, a sketchbook-journal with a few prompts? I'm not a parent or an expert but I do have a few friends/carergivers I know with ADHD or autistic children, or on the spectrum. When they can't articulate in words or conversation how they feel, colours, art and collages can help? There are also prompt cards that a few experts have done as stimulus-cards..hope those ideas help.
Such great ideas, Victoria! Thank you!
Wow, this is such a beautiful and educational post. I'm so happy that Ellie invited Mary into the conversation around her first days at college. I'm heartened by Dr. J's response that while the program would be a challenge (honest), he verbalized the expectation of success - and that he kept it focused on the first semester only (encouraging). We've all struggled with overwhelm when looking at an entire experience, which is much more manageable in smaller parts. Serena, I admire your approach and the concept of visioning as a means of exploring the actual new experiences those first weeks will bring. Ellie is lucky to have you as her mother. What a blessing you are!
Thank you for sharing how important it is to hold vision for others. Using this method (unknowingly) is what allowed me to expect my son to excel when he had so many doubts and anxieties, whether it was school, a job or a conversation with someone in authority that he held in esteem, such as his pastor or discipleship mentor at church. I'm grateful you included a link to your SlowSelf.co article. I'm about to begin reading it this morning.
Most of all, I'd like to thank you for using your platform and your personal experiences with Ellie to raise awareness and to foster compassionate understanding. Years ago, I spoke with my brother about how lost I felt trying to parent a child I didn't understand. He, being a pastor and a compassionate friend and wise brother, said maybe God knew I would be the only mother who refused to give up on her son. I've thought so many times about that and how true it has been. I hope you won't mind me saying I feel the same about you being Ellie's mom. You're surely her fiercest defender and most astute advocate. Bless you, my friend. I'm praying that Ellie will feel welcomed, accepted and will settle into college life like a champ.
Thanks so much for sharing, Lisa! Sounds like we have a lot in common. You mentioned that you used a similar method "unknowingly" - I think sometimes parents can sense what our child needs and we can move into it (and other times, of course, we might make big mistakes too). But it sounds like both of us used methods that we didn't plan on, which really helped our neurodiverse kids.
I love what you said about how God chose you to be the right mother for your son and the ultimate advocate. That is so beautiful and encouraging! Thanks for extending that to me, too. It does feel like a fit and an encouragement. Parenting a neurodiverse kid with disabilities has been harder than anything else I've ever done, but it's also so rewarding. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement for Ellie and for me! Glad to get to know you. :)
Likewise, Serena. You are such a blessing to me and I agree we have lots in common. My son is grown but I still get that feeling of walking on eggshells at times. Will he welcome my suggestion or mind my question, or will he lash out? Our entire life has been a dance and I definitely haven't always known the steps.
I definitely feel, based on what you've shared, that only you could have parented this child that the Lord was certain needed to born at this time, in this way and for His purposes. I'm happy you find my words encouraging. Yes, it's harder than anything we'll ever do but it's also the most sacred work we'll do. My son has been my teacher, too! We've butted heads too many times to count but we've also smoothed out each other's rough edges over the years. It's my honor to pray for you and Ellie. I look forward to following her journey as we continue to meet here on Substack.
Thanks Lisa! I totally resonate with what you said about your son being a great teacher - I feel the same way. Excited to get to know you more.
Great stuff.
Visualization is crazy powerful, that much I've gathered from my own experience. Thinking about what you wrote, no wonder people with negative thoughts and visualizations have such a rough time in life, and it's also not much of a surprise those people with negative thoughts were often influenced strongly be negative experiences. There's also something about visualization with regards to how we want to live: if our imagination is focused on weird or immoral things (like most TV, for instance....), then that's how we'll live. If, in contrast, we focus on and visualize moral and wholesome things, that's the life we're likely to follow.
Keep it up, we love your work. Good luck out there.
Thanks so much @TheInvisibleMan! It is interesting to think about how what we focus on affects us and what happens to us. It reminds me of the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy - if I am convinced that xyz will happen, then I unknowingly act in ways that create that outcome, even though I don’t want it to happen.
Repeated exposure increases liking.
——Thinking, Fast and Slow (witten by Daniel Kahneman)
التعرض المتكرر يزيد من الإعجاب.
——التفكير السريع والبطيء
So much in this post I love and learned from. What especially is sticking with me is the idea of envisioning for someone we love!
Let me know how it goes for you, @Allison Byxbe! So glad it was helpful.
I am in awe of how you carry your daughter's burden while simultaneously mentoring her to think through solutions on her own. I'm especially impressed with this story. Maybe it's because I have never been able to envision anything for my own life. I am a natural born encourager so I help people feel brave and capable, but not really envision. Thank you for consistently sharing your insight and wisdom.
Your encouragement is such a gift, @Jane Anderson! I can see you using your encouragement gift to help others dream of a way forward too, if you wanted to. Thanks for all your support.
What a great idea, Serena. As with so many of your techniques, I imagine I will use this or recommend a friend use it, though I’m not sure how or in what situation.
Thanks 🙏 Elizabeth!
what a wonderful blog, carry on and more will come!
Thanks Nabiel!
Love this and strangely just used visualisation of me at my local parkrun to help me get through some treatment and it has really helped. Love how it enabled your daughter to think about Mary and help herself so powerful ❤️
That's awesome, Allyson! Sounds like a really creative way to support yourself through a difficult time. Hope all went well! :)
It really helped
Love this message! I use visualization for myself and it has helped tremendously to get through a traumatic childhood traumas and more recent situations. I have envisioned myself being an advocate for my inner child and healed a lot of things from the past that way. It is such an amazing tool!
What a great practice, Dawn-Renée! Thanks for sharing. We should connect sometime about inner child work! :)
Just sent you a DM!