Very helpful Serena thank you. So good to know we are not alone in this. What I have found helpful is also accepting that I’m not solely responsible to ‘fix’ the problems and that my children are on their journey. My role is to love them unconditionally and support them while also doing the same for myself. Self care to me looks like taking the dog for a walk in the middle of the day to give me something to look forward to after the morning’s work and a break in the day to give me energy to get through the rest of the day. When my husband is home at weekends I take myself for longer walks or hikes or a book to read by the river alone. It’s the little things for me that make all the difference.
Michelle, this is gold! I love this reminder that it's not our job to 'fix' our kids or their challenges and to allow our kids the dignity of finding their own way. It sounds like we have a lot in common - I also appreciate dog walks during the day, as I can, and longer hikes and reading! I love that you have a river nearby where you can read in peace! Do you like to read fiction or nonfiction in those quiet moments?
non fiction. I love people's stories, memoir, biographies and spiritual books too, the Christian mystics, love them. Occasionally, I may read fiction. One of my favourite authors is Elif Shafak. Her recent book There are Rivers in the Sky is superb, gave me a while new understanding of story, lives weaved through stories of lands...
Oh wow, you are quite the voracious reader! I'll have to check out Elif Shafak - I haven't heard of her before. I also love memoir, fiction, and spiritual books. I just finished a historical fiction novel last night called "River Sing Me Home" by Eleanor Shearer, which was fascinating - about the legacy of slavery in the Caribbean islands, set in the mid-1800s. I learned so much!
Serena, I love your encouragement and valuable points. Kids are watching their moms. By doing so, they learn how to care for themselves. There may be a day when they remember their mother took the time to do her devotions, exercise, or take a walk by herself, then returned home revitalized. Yes! Adult children will also remember the friendships their mother had when they were young and use them as their standards for their own relationships. Ex: In what ways did Mom and her friends support and appreciate one another? They will seek those same qualities in their relationships.
There are many ways we do things for ourselves today that, in the long run, we are also doing for those around us. I love your message.
Tracie, that's such a good point. We need to care for ourselves for our own sustenance, but it's also modeling for our children what it means to be a healthy adult. Thanks for that perspective!
It's been "one of those days" so I feel like I can't take this article in all at once, but thank you so much for sharing it. It's so easy to feel alone on this particular journey, and reading about other people's methods and ways of sustaining hope makes me feel less alone.
Sorry that it's been one of those days or weeks for you - and hoping the week has gotten a little easier or softer for you. I'm also grateful to know I'm not alone - and thankful for friends like you!
💛 Things have slowed down a bit, but with school ending in a month, everything is speeding up again. I’m hoping for some quiet days here and there (for both of us).
Oh, wow—you guys get out so early! But then, we just get out so late. It’s usually close to the end of June for us, but they changed it to June 16th (I think?!?) this year.
I could say so many things about how valuable this article is. So much hope is found in reading how others have found ways to not just cope, but to grow through what they have gone through. Each case is different but that just means there are different things to try and see if any can be adopted for individuals self care.
I felt so seen reading this! As a mother to a struggling neurodivergent teen daughter who has been hospitalised multiple times for her mental health, and a teen son who has both physical and learning disabilities and needs complete 24/7 care, I have found it very hard to cultivate self compassion make space to nurture myself. Writing has become the salvation, and making real commitments as part of my writing groups (and MA course) - because I'd committed to something, I had to do it. And slowly it's bringing me out of my crisis mode chrysalis.
Katherine, thanks for sharing this. So glad you felt seen in reading this! That's exactly what I was hoping for. Thanks for sharing about your teens and their needs - really hard. I am with you in the challenge to cultivate self-compassion but I'm learning too! Glad you have found so much solace and support in the act of writing and in the writing community. Sounds like it's so life-giving. Glad you are here!
Very helpful Serena thank you. So good to know we are not alone in this. What I have found helpful is also accepting that I’m not solely responsible to ‘fix’ the problems and that my children are on their journey. My role is to love them unconditionally and support them while also doing the same for myself. Self care to me looks like taking the dog for a walk in the middle of the day to give me something to look forward to after the morning’s work and a break in the day to give me energy to get through the rest of the day. When my husband is home at weekends I take myself for longer walks or hikes or a book to read by the river alone. It’s the little things for me that make all the difference.
Michelle, this is gold! I love this reminder that it's not our job to 'fix' our kids or their challenges and to allow our kids the dignity of finding their own way. It sounds like we have a lot in common - I also appreciate dog walks during the day, as I can, and longer hikes and reading! I love that you have a river nearby where you can read in peace! Do you like to read fiction or nonfiction in those quiet moments?
non fiction. I love people's stories, memoir, biographies and spiritual books too, the Christian mystics, love them. Occasionally, I may read fiction. One of my favourite authors is Elif Shafak. Her recent book There are Rivers in the Sky is superb, gave me a while new understanding of story, lives weaved through stories of lands...
Oh wow, you are quite the voracious reader! I'll have to check out Elif Shafak - I haven't heard of her before. I also love memoir, fiction, and spiritual books. I just finished a historical fiction novel last night called "River Sing Me Home" by Eleanor Shearer, which was fascinating - about the legacy of slavery in the Caribbean islands, set in the mid-1800s. I learned so much!
Serena, I love your encouragement and valuable points. Kids are watching their moms. By doing so, they learn how to care for themselves. There may be a day when they remember their mother took the time to do her devotions, exercise, or take a walk by herself, then returned home revitalized. Yes! Adult children will also remember the friendships their mother had when they were young and use them as their standards for their own relationships. Ex: In what ways did Mom and her friends support and appreciate one another? They will seek those same qualities in their relationships.
There are many ways we do things for ourselves today that, in the long run, we are also doing for those around us. I love your message.
Tracie, that's such a good point. We need to care for ourselves for our own sustenance, but it's also modeling for our children what it means to be a healthy adult. Thanks for that perspective!
It's been "one of those days" so I feel like I can't take this article in all at once, but thank you so much for sharing it. It's so easy to feel alone on this particular journey, and reading about other people's methods and ways of sustaining hope makes me feel less alone.
Sorry that it's been one of those days or weeks for you - and hoping the week has gotten a little easier or softer for you. I'm also grateful to know I'm not alone - and thankful for friends like you!
💛 Things have slowed down a bit, but with school ending in a month, everything is speeding up again. I’m hoping for some quiet days here and there (for both of us).
I hope you get those quiet days too! School is ending tomorrow over here! :)
Oh, wow—you guys get out so early! But then, we just get out so late. It’s usually close to the end of June for us, but they changed it to June 16th (I think?!?) this year.
Oh wow! That’s like a month after my kids are done!
🫠 It’s the snow day make-up stuff 🙄.
I could say so many things about how valuable this article is. So much hope is found in reading how others have found ways to not just cope, but to grow through what they have gone through. Each case is different but that just means there are different things to try and see if any can be adopted for individuals self care.
Thanks, Jane! I feel hopeful hearing about others' journeys too. So many good ideas out there!
I felt so seen reading this! As a mother to a struggling neurodivergent teen daughter who has been hospitalised multiple times for her mental health, and a teen son who has both physical and learning disabilities and needs complete 24/7 care, I have found it very hard to cultivate self compassion make space to nurture myself. Writing has become the salvation, and making real commitments as part of my writing groups (and MA course) - because I'd committed to something, I had to do it. And slowly it's bringing me out of my crisis mode chrysalis.
Katherine, thanks for sharing this. So glad you felt seen in reading this! That's exactly what I was hoping for. Thanks for sharing about your teens and their needs - really hard. I am with you in the challenge to cultivate self-compassion but I'm learning too! Glad you have found so much solace and support in the act of writing and in the writing community. Sounds like it's so life-giving. Glad you are here!