When Summer Isn't Simple

Parenting Through the 'Easy' Season

Jun 15, 2025

While summer beckons with its promise of sunshine, lazy beach days, and picnic dinners, I confronted an unexpected emotion as spring wound down and school schedules loosened their grip.

Dread.

The contradiction feels bizarre. I crave those relaxed summer days with freedom from maxed out schedules and the ability to sit under the stars, watching fireflies by the garden. Yet beneath my excitement, I find a familiar knot of anxiety. Navigating summer for teenagers with mental health challenges feels especially loaded.

A dog sits on the beach, near the water. — Photo by Andrew Lvov on Unsplash

Even though summer may feel like a respite for some, I’ve observed how much pressure the transition can put on parents. We may feel a mixture of hope and apprehension. As the careful routines we’ve built - ones which help manage our teen’s anxiety or depression - dissipate, our teens face endless unstructured hours. For teens already wrestling with learning differences, social challenges, or mental health issues, the absence of school’s predictable rhythm can feel secretly ominous.

Summer: When Parents Hold Their Breath

For parents, managing the transition for teens, whether it’s celebrating endings or welcoming summer activities, can feel exhausting. When our teens struggle with transitions because of neurodiversity or mental health challenges, we often become the target of their emotional dysregulation. They may express bigger, uncontrolled emotions. Or they may withdraw from everyone.

Even though we may feel some relief at a pause in a packed school schedule, it can also bring up challenges. Mental health experts tell us that routine provides a sense of security, especially for those struggling with anxiety. According to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, “our nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or danger. When things feel familiar and predictable, the brain relaxes. When they don’t, the brain prepares for threat.”1 Therefore, routines provide a soothing effect on the nervous system. Without those routines, our teens may experience increased anxiety, meltdowns, and aggressive behavior.

a black and white photo of a tree branch

Some of our teens lack the skills to engage in a social life outside of their usual activities, so they end up isolated. Those with social anxiety may refuse to attend an unfamiliar camp. Screens become our teen’s constant companions. Without the school structure, some teens make unhealthy choices around sleep and food that lead to moodiness and increased anxiety.

Here’s a glimpse into a recent day in our home.

“Why do I have therapy today?” My daughter screeched. “I don’t like therapy, anyway. Half the time we talk about stupid stuff.”

I took a deep breath. “We agreed a few days ago to reschedule your appointment for this morning.” With this attitude, maybe you really need therapy.

“I don’t WANT to talk to anyone!” she said, stomping across the room.

“I hear that. But we don’t change appointments that are happening in ten minutes,” I replied, taken aback.

She slammed her door.

It was a perfect teenage storm. The day before, my daughter logged ten hours at the amusement park with a friend, plus a long drive each way. Afterwards, she stayed awake until midnight to decompress from all the stimulation. When she remembered to eat, her meals often majored in her two favorite food groups: carbohydrates and sugar. All of this was a recipe for a volcanic eruption for any teen, especially one with ADHD.

Summer: Finding Your Rhythm

While I am not a parenting expert, here are some ideas that have worked for our family.

Create Structure

Before each summer starts, I intentionally design a structure around my teens’ current needs, which may change year to year. This planning requires work, but it’s what transforms potential chaos into rhythms that work for our family. Sometimes we need to plan week-to-week in addition to month-to-month. Sometimes we try one type of structure and realize it doesn’t fit, so we need to adjust. The one consistent theme is that we always have a plan for each kid.

Every family’s needs are different. Some families use day camp or sleep-away camp; some help teens find volunteer or paid jobs. We’ve found volunteer opportunities at our church and in the community. High school sports camps offer a way for our teens to be outdoors and connect with their teammates while sharpening their athletic skills.

As my teens aged out of camps, I looked for creative, affordable alternatives to create a sense of structure and draw my teens away from their bedrooms. I bought pool passes on the condition that my kids must plan friend dates to use them at least five times over the summer. My neurodiverse daughters both love crocheting, so I buy yarn to encourage artistic endeavors. This summer, my husband “hired” Leah to work in the garden, modest salary included, to encourage outdoor activity. Ellie enjoys learning, so she signed up for a summer school class. Along the same lines, I’m teaching William to cook. In all these situations, I’ve learned to partner with my teens to find activities that appeal to them and provide enough structure to satisfy me.

Because my job allows me to work from home, I take more breaks during summer to eat lunch together or to drive them to the beach. I also check in on teens who have holed up in their rooms for hours and encourage them to shift their behavior.

We’ve tried experiments that haven’t worked: camps that felt like a flop or volunteer jobs that never panned out. Sometimes my teens needed more activities and lost themselves in screens. That’s okay. Summer isn’t a time to beat ourselves up; it’s a chance to experiment.

Encourage Social Interaction

While we cannot force teens to connect with friends, we can encourage them. I found that younger teens often lacked the executive functioning skills to set up consistent friend dates. Even though I preferred for them to learn those skills on their own, sometimes I partnered with other parents to avoid too much isolation for my teens.

Sometimes my teens just needed support to take the next step towards socializing. We brainstormed options together, asking, “What would you like to do with a friend? Do you want to invite them over to play games or make pizza? Do you want me to take you guys to the mall?” We try to make our home as welcoming as possible, with teen-friendly snacks, ping-pong and air hockey tables, and lots of couches. Our kids know we will always welcome their friends.

I’ve also adjusted my expectations for each teen. Ellie, who is highly introverted and on the autism spectrum, prefers to keep her social circle small and focused. She relies more on our family for social interaction, so when she’s home from college, I adjust my schedule to spend more time with her. In contrast, Leah loves to hang out with friends but also requires hours of alone time between friend dates. As a recent high school graduate, William spends more time with his friends than with our family. Supporting each teen to find the right balance for connecting with their peers is tricky but possible.

Commitment to Support

Just because our teens have a break from school doesn’t mean they take a break from their support system. While it can be tempting to throw out all obligations over the summer, we’ve found therapy and support groups essential in this season. Even when we’re traveling for a family vacation, Ellie benefits from a touchpoint with a therapist. When we help our teens get the support they need, they’re more relaxed and present, which means everyone can actually enjoy the vacation instead of just getting through it.

In the same way, I’ve found that I need self-care routines just as much during the summer. Even if my teens need more of my attention, I’ve found it essential to safeguard times for prayer, exercise, and connecting with my support network.

Give Grace Freely

Amid all the pressure parents carry, we need to remember to give ourselves and our teens grace, especially on those days when anxiety takes over.

Returning to that imperfect day in our home…

Later, I found out that my daughter had barely shown up to therapy. She lay on her bed, clothes and garbage strewn so thickly across the floor that I could barely walk. How many times lately have we talked about cleaning up this room? She’s behind on other chores, too.

“Can we talk about why you ended therapy so early?”

She pulled her covers over her head.

“When are you going to do your chores? Some of them are time-sensitive.”

She said in a small voice, “I just want to be alone and chill out.”

“But it’s almost noon. You’ve already had three hours to chill out.”

“Mom!”

Something shifted inside me. Use validation, rather than logic, with a dysregulated teen, I remembered. “I can see that you’re exhausted and sad. Do you want a hug?”

“Maybe,” she said, muffled.

“You look like a pink ghost with your comforter over your head like that!” I climbed into bed with her.

She made a sound almost like a giggle. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

She held me tightly and sobbed into the comforter between us.

“Let it all out,” I said. “It’s okay.”

We held each other until her tears abated.

Immediately afterwards, nothing seemed to change. She stayed in bed and I returned to work. But we had strengthened our connection. Although she couldn’t articulate her pain, I understood her better. And she knew I cared.

That evening, we had a lovely family dinner together. By then, she finished all her chores and her mood shifted back to her usual giggly self.

Share Evidence of Grace

There’s no such thing as the perfect summer. Offer grace when your teen has a meltdown or blames her parents for her miserable summer! Sometimes we create magic for our teens one week and then tear our hair out the next. Sometimes our teens flourish in the freedom of summer, and other times, they spiral into depression, despite our best efforts. Even if your teen’s summer looks nothing like the Pinterest-perfect vision you imagined, they’re still growing and figuring things out in their own way.

As you launch into summer with all its joyful adventures and bewildering moments, may you find grace for yourself and your family. As you design structures that serve your teens’ needs, may you find rhythms that bring joy. May your teens find ways to build and deepen friendships, with or without your support. And may you build the support networks that sustain you.

I’d love to hear what’s worked for your family during summer vacation (or other school breaks) and how you’re finding joy in this season.