This right here! As parents, we have to learn the hard truth that our children are not always a reflection of us. They are their own person with their own unique view of the world, personalities, insecurities etc. We have to work on releasing any guilt and shame and hold space for our children as a safe haven when they're struggling.
Thanks so much for posting this. I had one child almost get lost in this issue that I myself struggled with as a teen and young adult (it took YEARS for the triggers to go away) as well as one child her self-harmed in another way. We can be great parents and still have kids, especially sensitive ones, stuggle.
Thanks for sharing this, Dawn! I also struggled with an eating disorder as a teen and young adult, and worked so hard to be a mom in recovery who didn’t pass this onto her kids. And yet, my kid struggled even more than I did! We do have to let ourselves off the hook for our children’s struggles and focus on how to support their healing. But it’s hard!
the older I get, the more I realize it's important to show up and not make it about ME. It can be tough when our own inner critic asks us what we did wrong. I'm getting better at holding space for my kids because I'm doing a better job holding space for myself. And then I hold space for other parents, specifically moms. What a journey parenting is!
I love what you said about how you’re holding space for yourself well, which makes you more able to hold space for your kids and other parents. That’s a great reminder!
GREAT question, Faith! These memoirs are not really about ARFID - all of these young women struggled with anorexia. I don’t know of any but I’ll keep an eye out. Ironically, I have written a memoir about parenting my daughter through her eating disorder, but a) it’s not published yet and b) ARFID is probably the part of her story that I focus on the least, so it might not help you in the ways you are looking for. For us, ARFID has been a challenge but the consequences haven’t been as severe as the other parts of her eating disorder.
Serena, you are a huge contribution to others who have contended, are contending, or might did themselves facing this challenging disease and dynamic.
I had amazing parents, and growing up my brother and one of my sisters had an eating disorder. My brother’s daughter had anorexia as well and has moved through it now.
I appreciated this sentence:
“Eventually, with the help of wise friends and therapists, my husband and I released those unproductive questions to focus on being part of the solution.”
The awareness and humility resonant in that perspective is inspiring and applies to so many dynamics in families and marriages.
Thanks for sharing about your family’s journey, @James Bailey. I’m hoping that everyone has found healing. Thanks for mentioning your brother’s challenges, too - there’s such a focus on women with eating disorders and men often get overlooked unfortunately.
I love that you named how amazing your parents are! Yes, there is humility in admitting that this can happen to anyone, just like any illness.
Hi back Serena. Yes, my brother was bullied a bit in grade school for being chubby - even back then - he’s 59 now.
My parents were indeed amazing. That didn’t mean they didn’t have their flaws. They did the best they could which was pretty great. One of my early Substack pieces was a letter I wrote to my daughters about my dad. In case you’re interested. He was pretty special.
This right here! As parents, we have to learn the hard truth that our children are not always a reflection of us. They are their own person with their own unique view of the world, personalities, insecurities etc. We have to work on releasing any guilt and shame and hold space for our children as a safe haven when they're struggling.
I love how you phrased this - about being a safe haven for our kids and releasing what gets in the way of that. It’s so hard but so important!
I'm glad that resonates!
Thanks so much for posting this. I had one child almost get lost in this issue that I myself struggled with as a teen and young adult (it took YEARS for the triggers to go away) as well as one child her self-harmed in another way. We can be great parents and still have kids, especially sensitive ones, stuggle.
Thanks for sharing this, Dawn! I also struggled with an eating disorder as a teen and young adult, and worked so hard to be a mom in recovery who didn’t pass this onto her kids. And yet, my kid struggled even more than I did! We do have to let ourselves off the hook for our children’s struggles and focus on how to support their healing. But it’s hard!
the older I get, the more I realize it's important to show up and not make it about ME. It can be tough when our own inner critic asks us what we did wrong. I'm getting better at holding space for my kids because I'm doing a better job holding space for myself. And then I hold space for other parents, specifically moms. What a journey parenting is!
I love what you said about how you’re holding space for yourself well, which makes you more able to hold space for your kids and other parents. That’s a great reminder!
Hi Serena, are the memoirs you recommended relevant to parents of kids e
With ARFID? Or do you know or any ARFID memoirs? Thanks!
GREAT question, Faith! These memoirs are not really about ARFID - all of these young women struggled with anorexia. I don’t know of any but I’ll keep an eye out. Ironically, I have written a memoir about parenting my daughter through her eating disorder, but a) it’s not published yet and b) ARFID is probably the part of her story that I focus on the least, so it might not help you in the ways you are looking for. For us, ARFID has been a challenge but the consequences haven’t been as severe as the other parts of her eating disorder.
Have you ever checked out Ginny Jones’ website? She coaches parents whose kids have eating disorders and she’s SO lovely. She has a lot of articles on her website - here’s one about ARFID, and there are more - https://more-love.org/2019/10/21/real-stories-from-parents-who-have-kids-who-have-arfid/
I love that you include resources for parents and families who may be desperate for help. Happy to be a part of this village.
Thank you!
Love all the resources, thanks Serena!
You’re welcome! :)
Serena, you are a huge contribution to others who have contended, are contending, or might did themselves facing this challenging disease and dynamic.
I had amazing parents, and growing up my brother and one of my sisters had an eating disorder. My brother’s daughter had anorexia as well and has moved through it now.
I appreciated this sentence:
“Eventually, with the help of wise friends and therapists, my husband and I released those unproductive questions to focus on being part of the solution.”
The awareness and humility resonant in that perspective is inspiring and applies to so many dynamics in families and marriages.
Thank you 🙏
Thanks for sharing about your family’s journey, @James Bailey. I’m hoping that everyone has found healing. Thanks for mentioning your brother’s challenges, too - there’s such a focus on women with eating disorders and men often get overlooked unfortunately.
I love that you named how amazing your parents are! Yes, there is humility in admitting that this can happen to anyone, just like any illness.
Hi back Serena. Yes, my brother was bullied a bit in grade school for being chubby - even back then - he’s 59 now.
My parents were indeed amazing. That didn’t mean they didn’t have their flaws. They did the best they could which was pretty great. One of my early Substack pieces was a letter I wrote to my daughters about my dad. In case you’re interested. He was pretty special.
https://open.substack.com/pub/anaudienceoftwo/p/life-enriching-relationships?r=3bqj2&utm_medium=ios
Thanks for sharing this, James! I’m excited to read it. And I feel for your brother….