"At a recent checkup, my eye doctor clicked a new set of lenses and my vision was suddenly sharper. In the same way, Cameron’s words prompted me to observe Ellie with a different set of lenses. I asked myself, What if I focus on how capable she is?"
This is so beautiful Serena. I have 14 year old twin daughters, and with no disrespect because they have not traveled Ellie's path, I will certainly draw from your wisdom here as I navigate the next four years. Thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you for your words once again. I am watching my son weathering a very different kind of breakup this weekend, so they are timely. He has come so far in his mental health struggles, and it’s hard to fear that this won’t send him backwards. I know going to school tomorrow will be hard. At the same time, your questions from Cameron about reframing your thoughts about your daughter resonate with me as we cautiously yet hopefully prepare to send my autistic kid to college in Aug.
Aww Jenn - thanks for sharing. I'm sorry your son is going through his own difficult breakup. It's so painful to watch, isn't it? I hope your son can weather this storm okay. I'm sure your support means the world to him. It's all one day at a time, isn't it? And yes, I totally understand the fear of sending a neurodiverse kid to college - as you have probably picked up from this Substack. We are in this together.
Genius right here: “What if I focus on how capable she is? What if I hold a vision of her moving through grief with health and grace, rather than collapsing? If I believe Ellie is strong enough to sustain pain, what will that communicate to her? How will it affect both of us, if I trust her to work through this, rather than assuming we are in crisis?” ❤️
My boys are 30 and 32. When they go through emotional pain, I still find it difficult to be the kind of parent I want to be. I’m aware that any concern I have about them getting through the difficulty has the potential of being experienced as “my father isn’t sure I have what it takes to make it through this difficulty.” And that’s just not helpful.
Hey Dan! I'm definitely relating to you! It's so hard to balance loving concern/ empathy without communicating a lack of trust in their ability or strength. I have veered too far in the latter at times and it hasn't gone well. But I'm committed to learning with you.
"At a recent checkup, my eye doctor clicked a new set of lenses and my vision was suddenly sharper. In the same way, Cameron’s words prompted me to observe Ellie with a different set of lenses. I asked myself, What if I focus on how capable she is?"
This is so beautiful Serena. I have 14 year old twin daughters, and with no disrespect because they have not traveled Ellie's path, I will certainly draw from your wisdom here as I navigate the next four years. Thank you.
Thanks James! I'm glad it resonated with you! So glad we can journey together in parenting daughters through adolescence!
Thank you thank you thank you for your words once again. I am watching my son weathering a very different kind of breakup this weekend, so they are timely. He has come so far in his mental health struggles, and it’s hard to fear that this won’t send him backwards. I know going to school tomorrow will be hard. At the same time, your questions from Cameron about reframing your thoughts about your daughter resonate with me as we cautiously yet hopefully prepare to send my autistic kid to college in Aug.
Aww Jenn - thanks for sharing. I'm sorry your son is going through his own difficult breakup. It's so painful to watch, isn't it? I hope your son can weather this storm okay. I'm sure your support means the world to him. It's all one day at a time, isn't it? And yes, I totally understand the fear of sending a neurodiverse kid to college - as you have probably picked up from this Substack. We are in this together.
Genius right here: “What if I focus on how capable she is? What if I hold a vision of her moving through grief with health and grace, rather than collapsing? If I believe Ellie is strong enough to sustain pain, what will that communicate to her? How will it affect both of us, if I trust her to work through this, rather than assuming we are in crisis?” ❤️
Thanks so much, Danusia!
My boys are 30 and 32. When they go through emotional pain, I still find it difficult to be the kind of parent I want to be. I’m aware that any concern I have about them getting through the difficulty has the potential of being experienced as “my father isn’t sure I have what it takes to make it through this difficulty.” And that’s just not helpful.
Being a parent is hard.
Hey Dan! I'm definitely relating to you! It's so hard to balance loving concern/ empathy without communicating a lack of trust in their ability or strength. I have veered too far in the latter at times and it hasn't gone well. But I'm committed to learning with you.