Body Doubling

A Game Changer for Parenting Neurodiverse Teens

Feb 02, 2025

The fact that I am trying to write this Substack in the middle of a noisy Starbucks, while fielding questions from my fourteen-year-old daughter, shows that I am either desperate, determined, or naively optimistic. Or all of the above.

“There’s no way you’ll buy me another cake pop, is there?” Leah asks.

She wears purple headphones wired into her black Chromebook, which has a worn label with her school ID number. For the past two hours, she’s sat across from me, hunched over her Spanish homework and a history assignment.

I shake my head, thinking of the extravagant whipped cream on her hot chocolate and the fact that I’ve already spent almost ten dollars on this experiment. “Nope.”

She sighs loudly, knowing she’s already gotten more than the usual Saturday morning. “Also, how do you say ‘drills’’ in Spanish? Like tennis drills, not the tool…”

“Ask Google Translate,” I reply, wondering how much longer we’ll last. Despite Leah’s intermittent chatter, which interrupts my writing flow, I’m pleased. Because I can see that this experiment has helped my daughter, whose ADHD sometimes prevents her from making wise choices, to find a healthier path.

Parenting Teens with ADHD

Saturdays are my writing day, when I hole up in the library until my stomach reminds me it’s past lunchtime. I cherish the protected solitude, while my teenagers retreat to their bedrooms for homework (maybe) and screen-gazing (definitely), after early morning track practice.

But today I sense we need a change. Ever since our schools doled out Chromebooks, we’ve struggled with screen time limits. How do you take away a device that is required for homework? Since Leah entered high school this fall, I’ve wrestled with how to help her find the balance of school, sports, clubs, and recreation. Left to her own devices, she defaults to watching Disney Plus to “chill out.” But watching shows for hours does not restore her. Instead, she becomes irritable, withdrawn and later overwhelmed when she has to face the mountain of homework she’s avoided.

Leah is probably similar to many teenagers. But the fact that she has ADHD (Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder) makes it more challenging. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by persistent patterns of inattention, impulsivity, and/or hyperactivity. Researchers think that individuals with ADHD lack dopamine, a neurotransmitter connected to motivation and rewards, which makes it harder to stay focused. Folks with ADHD may crave a quick, intense dopamine hit, which they can find in substances, screens, and sugar, among others. It’s harder to self-regulate, and it’s easy to default into something mindless.

Three years ago, I began learning about ADHD when a psychiatrist diagnosed Leah’s sister Ellie with the same disorder. Clinicians treat ADHD with a variety of behavioral strategies, lifestyle changes, and sometimes medication. I relied on a therapist for guidance in implementing structures to support our daughters. One of my favorite tools is body doubling.

What is Body Doubling?

Body doubling is a technique where one person works alongside another to increase focus and productivity. The companionship of another person—whether they're actively participating or just sitting nearby—helps reduce distractions and provides accountability. Because it creates external structure and reduces overwhelm, this tool is especially helpful for folks with ADHD.

So I took Leah to Starbucks, with the promise of sweet treats. I wasn’t just bribing Leah to do her homework. I knew that getting out of her usual environment would help her concentrate, and having me by her side would provide positive momentum. If we could get ahead, maybe Monday morning wouldn’t be a frantic rush to finish up assignments.

Understood, a nonprofit supporting folks with learning differences, describes body doubling like this: “It’s like having a study buddy. They don't do the task for you. Instead, they’re there to give support, work with you, and be a gentle reminder to stay on track just by being present.”1

I found this method effective for Ellie, especially when her anxiety about a particular assignment or a college application paralyzed her. Sometimes I invited her to work alongside me at the dining room table. Other times, I convinced her to come to the public library. But Starbucks was always the secret weapon, the special treat, the heavy artillery when we needed it.

Now that Ellie lives in a college dorm, we occasionally use body doubling over FaceTime if she’s facing a daunting English essay. But she’s also learned to use support structures on campus, such as study sessions with friends or a study hall at her neurodiversity program.

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A Parent’s Tips for Body Doubling

Through trial and error, I’ve learned how to make these body doubling sessions effective for my daughters - and I still have a lot to learn. In my company, we also offer co-working sessions for employees on Zoom. The structure of those co-working sessions have also informed how I approach these times with my teens.

Start with the End in Mind

It helps to define goals as we start. What is my teen trying to accomplish? What does success look like? If we can name it at the beginning, then we can celebrate it at the end. It’s also important to agree on an ending time; otherwise, my teen feels trapped. Sometimes we do an hour or two; sometimes it’s only fifteen minutes. It helps to remember that any progress is still progress.

Give Autonomy

In setting goals and deciding on time blocks, it works best when I invite my kid to set her own goals. If it seems appropriate, I might gently encourage a more ambitious plan. But I’ve also learned that this is an art, not a science, a balancing act rather than an athletic workout. If I push too hard in the delicate dance of negotiation and our conversation shifts into a power struggle, then it becomes counterproductive. My kid might become angry or discouraged and refuse to participate. My goal is to create an inviting, supportive environment, rather than a pressure-cooker situation.

Create the Structure

With body doubling, it’s important to create guidelines for engagement - how much or how little we’ll interact. In our company’s co-working space, we start with a few minutes of group time, where we share gratitude for our work and name goals. Then everyone turns off their video to work alone for fifty minutes. We end with sharing how the time went. Maybe you’ve been part of writers’ groups, as I have, with a similar structure. The encouragement and accountability of the group helps all of us, regardless of our learning style, to grow in productivity .

With my teens, we create the structure based on their needs. If they just need a companion, we work silently alongside each other. If they don’t know how to move forward on an assignment, we work together to solve the problem until they can work independently, which is the ultimate goal.

Affirm & Celebrate

The power of affirmation, especially for a teen who struggles, goes a long way. As the mom of neurodiverse teens, I’ve learned to celebrate even the smallest wins. The mere fact that my teen will focus on their homework while sitting next to me is a victory.

For my daughters, the flip side of their procrastination is their perfectionism and self-criticism. So I try to create an atmosphere of support and positivity. Affirming them for every step forward, big or small, helps them keep going.

Tapping into a teen’s motivation also helps. If my teens have felt especially paralyzed by a task, we might consider a potential reward for reaching their goal, one that fits their passions. Ellie, the artist, looked forward to a shopping date at a craft store for finishing her college applications. A trip to the pet store can always persuade Leah, the animal lover. Each teen is unique. Asking thoughtful questions about what matters to our teens can give us clues into what might motivate them.

Not Easy But Worthwhile

“Hey Mom, does this drawing make sense?” Leah shows me her drawing of 1918 Germany with a sword sticking out of a pool of blood.

“I don’t really know much about World War I,” I say. “But it looks good.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you about it,” Leah answers, launching into a detailed recap that lasts a full ten minutes. I want to enjoy this history lesson but I feel dazed. I’m both proud of my brilliant daughter and trying not to check my watch.

Body doubling is a simple strategy, but it’s not always easy to implement. It may feel like a sacrifice for parents, as we set aside other plans to support our neurodiverse teens. But there is also beauty in creating this type of connection with our teens, by being physically present and offering a supportive structure. While body doubling isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, I believe it’s a tool that any family can adapt to fit their kid’s needs. In our case, I hope that this kind of support enables our daughters to develop stronger skills in self-regulation along with the courage to ask for help. It’s one more step to helping them become stronger, healthier, flourishing young women.

I’d love to hear from you. How have you used supportive spaces to write, work, or parent? What tools have helped your neurodiverse teens or friends?