Healing Through Play

Supporting Teens with Mental Health Challenges

Mar 16, 2025

As I trudged across the now-familiar hospital wing to visit my daughter, I nodded to the nurses and wondered what they’d think if they inspected the heavy bag on my shoulder.

I had packed ten pounds of board games into a grocery bag, in hopes of finding ways to play with my college-aged daughter on day four of her hospital stay. I hoped that at least one game would make Ellie smile.

Games in a Hospital Room

You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t been around Substack as much. Here’s why: a few weeks ago, our twenty-year-old daughter’s health plummeted to the point that we needed to bring her home from college to be admitted to the hospital for a week and a half. Ellie has both mental health challenges and chronic health issues, so we aren’t fazed by doctors and medical procedures. But she’s never spent extended time in a hospital bed like this, hooked up to an IV pole and hungry for our companionship in a cramped hospital room. This is a different ballgame than the eating disorder treatment center of four years ago. So we upended our lives to support her for two weeks, until she was stable enough to return to college.

In those days, my husband Peter and I advocated for Ellie to every nurse and doctor that entered the hospital room. We tried to keep her comfortable with requested drinks, chewing gum and clothes from home. We prayed for her and leaned on family and friends for support, sending frequent updates.

But after a while, I realized that I yearned to connect with my daughter in ways that didn’t involve discussions of complex medical terms or an analysis of her body. I came to Ellie with a plan: let’s find ways to have fun on your hospital bed.

So I lugged a bag full of board games. One friend suggested “Pass the Pigs” and even dropped it off at my house. Others mentioned Battleship, Bananagrams and Boggle.

In the end, Ellie insisted that we binge-watch a reality cooking show while she knitted. Even though I find reality shows tiresome, I decided to make a game out of it. In the space between shows, I debated Ellie on which contestants should be kicked off next. We analyzed the weaknesses and strengths of various players. We agreed that the head chef was unreasonably mean. In between nurses taking vitals and her IV machine’s alarms going off, we laughed.

Benefits of Play for Teens

When our kids are little, they understand their world through play; it’s a mode of exploration and connection. As young children, my kids spent hours moving toy trains around a wooden track and caring for dolls (my son had “Baby Boy” to match his sisters’ Corolle dolls). We imagined worlds by drawing and painting them; my daughters created “fairy castles” in the corners of the school playground.

smiling woman wearing grey sweater — Photo by Veronica García on Unsplash

Finding ways to play with teenagers, especially those with mental health challenges, feels harder. My teens love to escape to their bedrooms to “chill out” on their screens. When we do manage to wrench them out of their rooms for dinner or a conversation, we compete with their phones.

But I’ve decided to embrace play with my teens for many reasons.

Here’s what play offers.

Play Offers Connection

Sometimes I find it challenging to connect with teens, especially when they don’t feel like talking. When Ellie was at the lowest point with her depression, she often isolated herself and struggled with social interactions. We also have an autistic niece who comes to our home and immediately disappears into video games. Engaging her in a conversation feels incredibly tricky.

In contrast, now Ellie often wants to talk endlessly about the same subject, which is common for neurodiverse folks like her. In a similar fashion, if you want to connect with our teenage nephew, you need to speak the language of video games.

Play has helped us connect with these teens. When we join them in a game they enjoy, we develop a common language. As we deepen our connection by tossing a ball back and forth or decorating cookies together, our teens may feel more comfortable opening up about deeper issues when they are ready.

group of people beside coffee table — Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

Play Bridges Gaps

Playing games bridges age gaps, political and religious differences, interests, and even ability levels. We realize that we enjoy being together, despite our diverse perspectives.

For example, when Ellie returned home from college, I called her seventeen-year-old brother William to greet her. As Ellie chattered about the intricacies of her medical condition, I watched William’s eyes glaze over.

I felt the tension of trying to help my teens enjoy each other, especially when they don’t see each other often and operate in different worlds. One is an introverted, neurodiverse young woman wholly focused on managing her complex medication conditions at college, while the other is a high school senior who enjoys laughing with his friends, competing in sports, and serving kids at church.

“Will, why don’t you grab a game to play with Ellie?” I said under my breath, as Ellie grumbled about her painful joints.

Ten minutes later, we sprawled on the couch. William quizzed us using Harry Potter trivia cards. Peter and I failed to remember the series’ intricate details, even though we’d once devoured them as a family. But Ellie paused, considered, and recalled each right answer. As I watched William and Ellie reconstruct storyline details, it reminded me of the two of them camped out on the basement futon, watching Harry Potter movies endlessly. For William’s tenth birthday, Ellie made a Harry Potter-inspired mobile of flying keys to hang above his bed and a nine-foot “brick door” reminiscent of Platform 9 ¾ out of brown paper and paint.

black and white pendant lamp — Photo by Aditya Vyas on Unsplash

This simple game, in that moment, revived their connection.

Share Evidence of Grace

Play Offers a Reprieve from the Hard Things

For our family, life has felt heavy for years. Between Ellie’s recovery from a mental health breakdown and then her debilitating long-Covid health conditions that began almost two years ago, the parenting journey has felt arduous. Ellie feels weary and angry as her functioning has declined. While other families talk about spring break plans and their college student’s summer internship, our conversations circle around our upcoming visit to the Mayo Clinic, trying to fill rare medications, and connecting with therapists.

Play gives us a break from the hard realities: the struggles of supporting a teen with mental health challenges, the worries about the future, the regrets of the past. It grounds us in the moment, rather than trying to fix impossibly complex challenges. It gives us a chance to laugh at something silly in a season when everything feels weighty. Joining a team reminds us that we belong, even if it’s just for half an hour.

Recently, our family played a guessing game called “Empires” in a group of eight adults and nine kids. Among the adults, four were grieving the death of a parent, two faced hard personal challenges, and all of us carried concerns for our kids. But in that space, we gave ourselves to guessing the secret identity of each character, a time full of strategy, team plotting, and giggles.

Play Grows Social and Emotional Skills

Teens who struggle with mental health challenges may also struggle with social interactions. For our teens who face isolation, loneliness, and self-doubt in social circles, play can be a safe way to interact with others. Whether they join a game of kickball, Settlers of Catan board game, or a group video game, play gives teens a chance to be seen and validated by others. It can increase self-esteem and confidence as they develop mastery in a game. I’ve witnessed this in Ellie as she triumphs over an opponent and winks at her teammate. Play offers the opportunity to know and enjoy others in ways that may feel easier than daily interactions.

”Play matters because people matter. It reminds us of our interdependence and gives us a chance to really see other people. And in turn, to be really and truly seen.”

-Jill Vialet, Founder of Playworks

Play also offers an opportunity for emotional regulation. Recently, when our youngest daughter Leah was stuck in a grumpy place, hitting a ping pong ball with her grandparents helped her regroup. When Ellie has seemed withdrawn, playing a board game helps her enter back into the family. Sometimes, a game might even offer a way to express buried anger or sadness in a safe setting, even if our teen struggles to name the full extent of their feelings.

How to Play

If we don’t have rhythms of play, we might start by asking our teens what games they enjoy. We could think of opportunities that appeal to the whole family or ask friends for ideas.

Sometimes we play best outside the home, on a field with a frisbee, at a craft store or a trampoline park. Our family loves to play in the backyard. We launch tennis balls through a nerf gun for our dog, who barks madly and races across the lawn. We end up chasing him until we collapse in giggles. Or we take Leah and William to the public tennis courts, where they launch “moon balls” that are impossible to return.

Sometimes we might create innovative ways to play at home. Peter wrestled with how to connect with Ellie. He finally decided to dig into puzzles together while listening to audiobooks, since those activities fit Ellie’s interests. My brother-in-law plays marathon video games with his teens. With grandparents, we sing to a karaoke machine in their living room.

Every family’s rhythms look different. What’s important is that we make time to play together. Play offers opportunities for families to connect, heal, and practice soft skills. It builds bridges across divides and reminds us of why we enjoy being together.

I’d love to hear how you’ve found ways to play with teens or kids and how those times support your family connection.