When Your Kid's Depression Becomes Dangerous
One Mom's Story of Navigating Mental Health Challenges
What do you do when your teen’s erratic behavior scares you?
Last week, I introduced you to Cameron1, a close friend from college, who shared about parenting fifteen-year-old Rachel through a mental health crisis. Cameron talked about discovering her daughter’s bulimia and getting her into treatment, but not seeing much progress. We ended with a horrifying scene: Child Protective Services visiting the family’s home due to stories that Rachel had made up. Roy and Cameron were bewildered, but Rachel was inexplicably euphoric.
Today, we’ll dive into the lowest point of the family’s journey and how they found hope.
Navigating Rachel’s Depression
Me: So you had this horrifying experience with CPS and Rachel’s reaction. Sounds like it was more data about her mental health issues, but back then, you didn’t know what it meant, right? Tell me more about the those first six months of Rachel’s mental health crisis.
Cameron: Right. Back when we discovered Rachel’s bulimia, our pediatrician wrote her a prescription for a drug that is anti-anxiety and also FDA-approved for bulimia. We love the pediatrician - she was able to write the codes that Rachel needed to get treatment. But I think that drug also caused Rachel to have suicidal ideation.2
One night, Rachel invited a friend to sleep over. At one AM, we found them drinking in the basement. They were still freshmen in high school. We called the friend’s mom to bring her daughter home. Then it came out that Rachel had told her friend that she wanted to end her life.3
Me: How terrifying! What did you do?
Cameron: Roy and I were really shaken. The next morning, we took Rachel to the pediatrician, who decreased the meds but didn’t seem worried that she would hurt herself.
Later, the eating disorders center psychiatrist bumped up the meds again because that’s how they deal with bulimia. We decided to keep a closer eye on Rachel - monitoring her phone, her notes app, stuff in her room.
Me: Sounds like you were supervising her closely.
Cameron: Yeah. We were so worried about her safety, especially at night. We barely slept because we were always watching her.
We sensed something was wrong. Then Roy found the note you hope your child will never write. At the same time, the eating disorders program called and said Rachel needed a suicide risk assessment (SRA). So we took her to a nearby ER. They agreed that she needed hospitalization. But because of the pandemic, there were still no spots in the psychiatric ward. Rachel slept in the ER for a week, waiting for a bed to open up. It was miserable.
But the psych ward4 was awful too. She spent a week there, with me or Roy supporting her, and telling her story again and again. The point of a psych ward is to stabilize the patient and then send them to another place where they can heal, but these doctors didn’t seem to understand Rachel. Only one person, an intake resident guy, was helpful. She lied to get out. She didn’t seem stable to me.
Me: How discouraging. Not a place you would associate with healing.
Cameron: No, it wasn’t. After that, we got her into a different partial hospitalization program. It was a treatment program for mood and anxiety, not for the eating disorder.5 We felt like Rachel’s depression was so intense that we had to prioritize that. It was a good program. We liked the therapist. But partway through the summer, we found another awful note. The therapist said we needed to do another SRA. So I picked her up from practice…
Me: Wait, she was still a competitive athlete during this time?
Cameron: Yep, still engaged in a high-level athletic career, still flipping and whirling, still burning lots of energy.
Me: It goes to show that this could be happening to anyone’s kid, and you might not know it.
Cameron: Yeah. So I told her that we had to do this again, and she started bawling. We took her to a different hospital - a better one than last time - and we got stuck in the psych ward section of the ER again, waiting for a bed. It was the saddest place, with just a wooden bed for the kid and a chair for a parent. She was so depressed; she just stared at the wall. Roy and I took turns staying with her at the hospital. I remember leaving the hospital as Roy came in and crying harder than I’ve ever cried. I cried and cried and cried. Finally she got transferred to a psych ward for five days to stabilize again. It didn’t feel like enough.
Finding God in the Darkness
Me: This sounds like your lowest point - a revolving door of hospitalizations that only feel somewhat helpful and a daughter who wants to end her life, bouncing from one treatment center to another. As a person of faith, where did you find God in this dark valley?
Cameron: God was there. But it was a different relationship than I expected. Some days, all I could pray was, “Please, please, please.” I didn’t have a prayer, but I had all my prayers. Anytime I would share something with a friend, that was my prayer.
It really transformed for me what it meant to be in God’s presence. I didn’t need to go off somewhere to be with God. I just needed to be fully present with all of me. God was there.
Me: It sounds like, with how much you needed to support Rachel, you couldn’t go off somewhere by yourself. You had to learn to encounter God in the middle of the crisis, in the sad room with a wooden bed. You had to find God while watching late night YouTube with Rachel to make sure she was safe. But you did find God’s presence there.
Cameron: Yes. My friends were also a godsend. There were three of us in town who became close friends. I needed them during this awful time with Rachel. Steph had a calm, listening presence which felt like a gift. She also took care of my younger daughter, Zoie, since her son was the same age. Georgia listened when I felt stressed, fed me delicious meals, and gave me permission to do less when I couldn’t give it to myself.
The funny thing is, God used each of us to help each other when we needed it.
Georgia needed us in 2022 when she went through a tough time. Steph needed us in 2023 when she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She died last summer. When she died, her mom gave Steph’s teddy bear to Zoie, because she knew how much Steph cared for her while Rachel was sick. That’s how I felt like God was there.
Thanks for joining us again for Cameron’s story. Next week, we’ll conclude Cameron’s story by hearing how an unexpected diagnosis and the discovery of a toxic relationship led to solutions for Rachel’s healing.
How have you found hope in the darkest moments? Leave a comment or feel free to reply back with your stories.
All names in this story have been changed for privacy
Suicidal ideations (SI), often called suicidal thoughts or ideas, is a broad term used to describe a range of contemplations, wishes, and preoccupations with death and suicide.
If you or someone you know is in a mental health crisis, you can find help in many places. Start here: https://988lifeline.org/help-yourself/ - For confidential support available 24/7 for everyone in the United States, call 988.
Psych hospitals vary widely. The point of this article is to share Cameron’s story, not to discourage anyone from going to this type of facility. When in doubt, go to the ER and get help for your loved one.
Some treatment centers are skilled at treating both eating disorders and mental health conditions at once. Some prefer to specialize in one at a time. Both are valid options for treating mental health conditions, depending on the patient.